I am now over the hill apparently. However, life is basically only beginning.
As I try to recapture the things I wanted to achieve in my twenties, I look back and wonder what the hell have I been doing for the last twenty years. Midlife crisis.. maybe!!
So, here I am never married, no children, and a degree from an unaccredited college. The mistakes I have made are due to several reasons which I am now just understanding.
Currently, I am back in college, about to graduate I might add proudly. But since I am over forty, what are my chances of getting a decent job which will pay for the remaining classes I have? The university I attended was also where I worked until recently. Due to cutbacks, I chose to leave my position and return to a former job ( which I am regretting also) My pay decreased as well as my hours. What am I to do? Today, I got not one, but two rejection notices from the State of Alaska for employment I have sought after.
I had attended classes when I was twenty, a very young twenty year old and immature. Not mature enough to sit down and study for classes that it took.. My knowledge of the world was so limited I understood nothing. However, once my mother died, I left classes and took time off ( I think thats what it was.. my GPA was not very good either).
At the time, the church I was attending noticed my natural ability to mesh with children. Since my original major was elementary education, I too thought I was on the right path. Then during my break, my pastor at the time told me I should go into children’s ministries. So I did. Wrong!!! I got my license but after breaking my butt working for churches that only wanted me to volunteer full time, I said enough and that is why I am now seeking my bachelors in Business Administration and Environmental Studies.
I am wondering though.. will it be worth for me to complete my degree? I have seven classes left and will be in debt from those classes for about $1700. 00. The way that the economy is right now, what if I do not find a job that will keep me fed, housed and paid enough to pay off these school loans? I know many people that are not college grads that make more money than people with degrees.
This worries me. What shall I do. Attaining a degree has always been my goal in life. Now that I am so close to the goal and becuase it is going to cost me a few bucks to finish, is it worth it to me to finish? Many employers do not like to hire older people in new/entry level positions because they already have a family to deal with and other issues younger graduates do not.
I would think that not having children or any dependents would be my benefit.
How did that happen? He got away, not sure how or why. But the one got away and then the next one left as well as several others. Recently I was told I don’t act like I want a commitment. So, I have decided for the next year, to agree to that statement. For years I gave of myself to children in the church and have not gotten anything back except the knowledge of knowing I touched a lot of young lives by loving on them.
I gave of myself, selflessly because I loved being around kids. Still do. I gave so much that I did not take time to make my life happen. I did not take time to find someone to love and marry me. Now, as some may have said back in the day, ” she is a spinster”.
Call it whatever suits.
So now, in my forties, I am about to graduate from college. About to embark on a paid career, and possibly adopt a kid or two. Maybe I will find Mr. Right too!!
